You are my fire
by Evil Windstar
Summary: Warning: Yaoi. Yamato is thinking about the past and his secret love


You are my fire

By Windstar

This is my first fan fic and Digimon fic and yaoi fic. I hope you guys like it. In case, nobody knows what yaoi is, it is boys loving boys. So if you have a problem with that, then leave. No one forcing you to read this, I remind you. It's told by Yamato (Matt)'s point of view. It's a PG-13, I think. ^_^

Disclaimer – I don't own Digimon or the lyrics, I want it that way by the Backstreet Boys.

Lyrics - ~*

Thoughts are in _italics_.

~~~~~~~~~~

~* You are my fire

The one desire*~

Laying on my bed. Wondering about the adventure we, eight kids, had in the Digital World. That was five years ago, I was now sixteen years old. I remember everybody, but I wonder if anyone remembers me. Probably as the 'cool' guy. The one who never care. I cared, but I never … showed it. I closed my eyes as I vividly remember.

Hikari. Sister of our leader. The holder of light. She was mature and wise beyond her years and still is. Already thirteen, one month ago.

Takeru. My little brother. Still playful, but mature. The holder of hope. He's not small, not like five years ago. Thirteen and proud of it.

Koushiro. That kid was literally was stuck on his computer. Holder of knowledge. He's 15 now.

Jyou. Still the holder of reliability and a worrier. Seventeen.

Sora. I made a face. _Lucky Sora. She has something I'll never have. Always mothering everybody. Holder of love._

Mimi. Fashionable as always. Holder of sincerity. Same age as Koushiro.

Me. Yamato. Holder of friendship.

And....

And....

My cheeks started burning at the first thought about him.

~*Believe when I say 

I want it that way

But we are two worlds apart*~

Taichi. My Taichi, even though he'll never be mine. He was the holder of courage. He was the leader of the group, although he didn't want to. Dark brown eyes. Chestnut brown hair. He was sixteen about a month ago, I gave him a picture of us.

I sighed as I glance to the picture. I had my arm around Tai's shoulders and his around me. We were grinning like idiots. Which I don't remember why, he must have done something funny to be grinning like that.

We are different. Tai and I. The loud and the quiet. The energetic one and the calm one. _Man, together we clash, no wonder we don't get along, _I mused. He's loud, can be obnoxious, always setting his mind on something, annoying, stubborn, compassionate (once he learns), kind, and cheerful. But those qualities are what I like about him.

I'm quiet but with a quick temper. I'm told that I was cold and harsh to everybody while we were in the Digiworld.

How we can possibly be friends, people think about. We had enough in common to be friends. Like when I held his hand when Angemon and Angewomon shot their arrows of hope and light. Making Agumon and Gabumon warp-digivolving to Wargreymon and Metalgarurumon.

~* Can't reach to your heart

When you say

That I want it that way

Tell me why

Ain't nothing but a heartache

Tell me why

Ain't nothing but a mistake

Tell me why

I never wanna hear you say

I want it that way*~

I can remember the squeeze Tai gave me to reassure me that we weren't going to die and we didn't. I want to tell you right there and then how much I loved him, but I didn't. I have this terrible longing to be Tai's. But Tai isn't and never will be, because he's .... It was my mistake not tell Tai.

Now Tai belongs with another. Tai doesn't love her, I know because......he told me. I asked Tai, very casually, if he like Sora. He hastily shook his head and never said anything else about the matter. _But you're with Sora. Of all the people. Why her? Why?_

~*Am I your fire

Your one desire

Yes I know it's too late

But I want it that way*~

I have to know. Know if Tai loves me as I love him. _I know it's too late, you dating Sora and being her .... _I can't say it, but I have face it _.... boyfriend_. I know it's my fault for not telling you sooner. 

I gather my courage and picked up the phone, I dialed Taichi's number. My heart is pounding, praying that Tai is there.

"Hello. Kamiya residence. May I help you?," a voice answered.

"Um. Is Taichi around there?," I asked, mentally kicking myself. _Um is a great word to start a sentence_, I said angrily to myself. Then, realization sunk in. The voice who answered, it was .... Sora! _What is Sora doing over at Taichi's?_

~*Tell me why

Ain't nothing but a heartache

Tell me why

Ain't nothing but a mistake

Tell me why

I never wanna hear you say

I want it that way

Now I see that we've fallen apart

From the way it used to be, yeah*~

I remember when it was me, who was over at Taichi's house. We've played video games and joked around like best friends. We were for years and we still are. But Taichi started to be with Sora. _You found out girls when we enter high school, so did I._

Girls were crawling around me, asking me out, and throwing glances at me. Basically, I'm the most popular boy at school, I'm not bragging. Girls loved that I looked older than most boys. I'll admitted I have a new girlfriend each month or week, I wanted to find someone who could Taichi off my mind, but none of them did. It only made me think about him more.

"Sure, I'll pass Taichi," Sora answered.

"Who is this?," Taichi questioned as he picked up the phone.

" Hey, Taichi. It's Yamato."

"Oh hi. What's up?"

"Well, I .... I wanted to invited you to spend the night in my house," I answers in a rush. _Please, please say yes_, I pleaded mentally. 

"Sure, let me ask my parents." I heard a thunk. Silence. Did he sound...pleased? Impossible. Was it? "My parents said yes."

"Cool, I'll see tomorrow at um...4'o clock, sound good?"

"Yeah, see you."

"Bye," I whispered.

~* No matter the distance

I want you to know that

Deep down inside of me*~

As I was listening to my conversation with Taichi. I notices that his voice sounded different. His voice was usually cheerful and calm. But Taichi's voice, this time, sounded desperate and painful. And when I mentioned the sleepover, he practically shouted with joy.

As I went to sleep, I promised myself that I would tell Taichi how I felt, no matter the consequences. _I want you to know Taichi, I love you with all my heart and it's killing me not telling you._

I remember the time when I parted from the group for a while in the Digital World. Taichi and I had another major fight. The biggest one of all the big ones. I made Gabumon warp-digivolved to Metalgarurumon and fight Wargreymon. I left the group for a few weeks, trying to sort out my emotions. But Taichi kept popping into my head. That's when I realized that I was sorry that I fought Tai. And it hit me, I love Taichi, even the distance couldn't keeps us apart. I always had this feeling whenever I was around him. And I realize also that I treated Tai badly and I fell into a deep depression.

~*You are my fire

The one desire

You are, you are, you are, you are

Don't wanna hear you say.....*~

I felled into a deep depression and a deep hole. I managed to get out as I realized that I needed Taichi and I couldn't die for the fear of breaking his heart. Takeru and Gabumon needed me, so did I.

I ran back to help Taichi, to him and only him. _You had so much faith in me! You told me. _I wanted to cry and cry I did. But not in happiness, ( even though I wanted to, nobody had ever put their whole trust on me.), I cried because of how Taichi locked. He had dirt in his face and he was bleeding. Trying to hold back Piedmon, to stall, he waited, for me.

I felt so touch that my crest of friendship started to glow as I started to tell Tai that his friendship meant the whole world to me ad that he was my best friend. Wargreymon gained back his health as Garurumon nuzzled him. Gabumon warp-digivolved to Metalgarurumon. And together, Taichi and I, defeated Piedmon.

~*Ain't nothin' but a heartache

Ain't nothin' but a mistake

I wanna hear you say

I never wanna hear you

I want it that way*~

It was a mistake of not telling Taichi. I smiled at Tai as he walks through the door of my dad's and my apartment. Taichi doesn't smile back, his eyes are red and he has bags under his eyes because he, probably, didn't sleep very well. _Something's bothering you, Taichi._

Taichi breaks down, sobbing about something. My heart breaks, seeing him cry. My arms ache to hold him, close to me and to cheer you up.

"What's wrong, Taichi?"

"Sora...Sora broke up with me. Saying I never love her and was just using her for a reason, but not...love!", Taichi sobs, his knees start to wobble and I catch him in time. I felt sorry for him, going through this. But I felt something within me stirred, I didn't want to hear this, I wanted to hear that Taichi broke up with Sora, not the other way around.

~*Tell me why

Ain't nothing but heartache

Tell me why

Ain't nothing but a mistake

Tell me why

I never wanna hear you say

I want it that way*~

"Don't cry, Taichi. She wasn't meant for you," I quietly said the last part. I carried him in my arms to my bed and sat down. Hope rising within me. 

"Yamato, please hold me. Don't leave me, please I don't want to be alone...away from you again," Taichi pleaded, holding me tight, his eyes shining with....

Oh, Taichi I always want to hear you say those words to me. "Taichi, do you really mean that?," I quietly asked, his warmth filling me.

"Yes, Yamato. I realized that yesterday that i didn't love Sora....that I loved....you. I always have. But I never let myself see it and I didn't accept it because I didn't want to alone," Taichi croaked out, he ever so slowly turn his head, his eyes looking fearfully at me. He must have excepted me to do something at him, he probably expect me to slap him or something.

"That's why I dated Sora. I was afraid people would rejected me if they knew that I was gay, especially you, Yamato," he continued, after that he saw that I wasn't going to hurt him. He just cuddled closer to me.

"You'll never be alone again, Taichi," I said gently. His eyes grew wide, and shone with happiness. So were my eyes, I'm sure.

I leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. He, soon start to kiss me back. Taichi's taste is sweet to my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. And his arms snaked around my waist.

He breaks away, gasping for breath. He's grinning like crazy and so was I.

~*You are my fire

The one desire

Believe when I say ....*~

"I love you, Yamato."

"I love you too, Taichi." 

~~//~~

Was it crappy? Was it good? IS it possible to cry when you read your own fic? Please sent your comments to windstar15@hotmail.com. If you send flames, I will ignore you and use it amuse friends.


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